my log

envisage

It’s been a while since I wrote my last blog. There actually was nothing much to write home about. Kept wondering what was holding me back, simply realised its nothing but me, myself. Needed to break the shackles, these self imposed bondages & once again fly in the open sky as I am destined to. I looked for happiness outside when all I had to do is look within. Yup! she determined my life, without even being my wife. (cool line ha!)


I refuse to be a puppet in anyone's hands. How dare she treat me with such disdain? Just because I loved her, does it give her right to treat me like that? 'You claim you love this girl, yet you are unmindful of her passions', she said.What about me, what about us dear. You fail to look beyond yourself. Do you even care of what I think, what my passions, my dreams are. Why is it all about you, never us. Just because it’s me who has the feelings, so the burden of understanding is my exclusive domain. Bull shit! If you love someone, don't you want the other person to love you back. How long can you just go on hoping she would realise it & more importantly value your feelings.


Yet each time she came, I let her scrape through. But I had enough. Seriously man its not worth it. For the last so many days (seems eternity to me) I have been trying to convince her of my love. Make her feel special, make her feel loved.

But my friend she didn’t ask for it. You did it out of your free will.

All I get, she has a pressing work, some project to do, she has some other plans.

Clearly she is not interested.

Then why not say it aloud than to just mince with words. Slap me in the open, I don’t mind. But don't fool around me. If she thinks poor guy he would be heart broken, well if you haven't noticed my heart is not exactly pumping with joy even now.

Girls enjoy attention, especially this one. Who doesn't? Having plenty of guys to pamper you, telling you that they are crazy about you. All seems good na! There are so many of them. Its a difficult choice, kisko chodo , kisko nahi.

So........!

Simple, take them all. Why leave anyone voluntarily. Agar koi chala bhi gaya, big deal. There are plenty more'

Well there you go, who wouldn't like the limelight & then when you have so many of them, why care about a guy hell bent on making you special.

'Well dude I am special. Whats so special about you?'

'My love for you'

Perhaps thats the most absurd answer you would ever hear. Keep on blowing ' love you, love you' ka trumpet & what did get out of it man. Zilch, zero. If you got anything, it would be misery, pain. You waited her all this while & in vain.

Here my friend you are wrong. Pyar hota nahi, ho jata hai. Love is not a promotional offer that comes with conditions attached. Neither its a barter for equal exchange. I would be lying if I say that I didn't expect her to be with me. But that doesn't change anything. I am no saint, so can't say that my happiness is in her joy. The situation seems like the two banks of a river, so near & yet so far. Whatever happens, happens for the best. Aab isme kya achai hai, don't know, only time will tell. But a burden is off me.

In all this ho- halla, learnt an important lesson. True love is scarce. Rarely do you find a person who would love you for what you are. If & when that happens:
don't wait, for its love
& love is forever mate.

posted by Shashank Jain @ 5:50 AM