my log

Vendetta

Rapiers wielded, swords drawn, guns out…………..ready for action....... slam dam doom. What is this I am referring to? Is it some kind of a medieval war time story? No my friend this is a battle I fought in the past few days with myself, slogging versus all elements, wagging against all odds. It was not fought with daggers & shields, though the weapons may be different but that does not undermine the significance of the struggle. It was the most intense & keenly contested battle of my life.

By this time you must be wondering what this guy is really up to. Having used a lot of similes & metaphors to make my point, I would now talk straight.

Just when you think you have seen it all, life props a new surprise which leaves you aghast. That’s the beauty of it; you never know what may hit you. I am not saying for the sake of sounding philosophical but I mean it from the core of my heart.

I never thought there could actually be someone whom I could love & care more than myself (other than family of course). But when I did; my whole world turned upside down. My priorities in life changed. Slowly but surely she became an integral part of my life. It was a combination of whole lot things.

But then came, the big dampener. One can go on & make as many plans as he wants, but they are all in vain until they are put into practice. For my dreams to come alive I need the presence & approval of my loved one. It would be catastrophic if I make presumptions which go the backburner by her disapproval. We have to be together in what ever decision we make.

I am not the one to beat around the bush, so I came straight. When you are stuck in the middle; perhaps that is the worse situation to be in. But she wouldn’t relent. Further more I got confusing signals from her. She would treat me like a king on a day & on others make feel pedestrian. Where was this heading to, I had no clue. If there is something that I can’t stand is ambiguity.

With a confused & uncertin frame of mind I set forth to Mumbai. The first day, I was greeted with the news of me being posted in not only the division of my choice but also the region, Mumbai. At this point in time I was baffled. Should I rejoice, celebrate party along or should I wonder why the company granted all my requests. Why should I return back & for whom? Lived all my life under the shadow of parents, now it is high time grow out & carve your own niche.

Could I let logic & rationality be overtaken by emotions? Being literally torn apart I was at loggerheads with myself. At this juncture I had to make decision & fast. The only way out it seemed was self introspection. I closed my eyes & contemplated the outcome. When I opened them it was clear as to what should be my further course of action.

A meeting was scheduled for the Friday morning to freeze the final posting, the result of which was I boarded the next flight to New Delhi. Wondering what I saw that enabled me to take my decision. As I closed my eyes I thought of & saw a lot of people. My best pals, freinds, family etc. People who had in some or the other way or the other influenced me. They were the ones who mattered to me.

But there was one among the host of people who mattered the most, it was her. I relived the moments spent with her, with her fragrance still enchanting me. Her vivacious smile, witty remarks, tone of her voice....as if it all came alive. Didn't had to think twice before concluding: I needed to be with her for sure.

posted by Shashank Jain @ 7:20 AM