my log

'fusion'

I am baffled. If one thing women can do well, is to confuse. They change orientation as per their convenience. One day you would feel that you are the most special person on the earth, on others she may rebuke you like you never knew her. So are woman so heartless or if I were to put it bluntly mindless?

Picture this:
There is this girl I am virtually bonkers about. She very well knows it, though I haven't officially proposed her. On the record we are friends. Before I prop up the question to her I wanted to get close to her, understand her better, make her feel special. It is a time consuming process, specially since I don't see her one to one often. It is very different chatting on the net or even talking ovet the phone; to seeing each other. For some strange reason I get mezmerised whenever I see her or even hear her. She has this magical affect on me that leaves me gasping. I have contemplated expressing my feelings to her many a times but it just didn't feel right from inside. I tell you, I am not shy or overtly obsessed about her answer. But she gives me absolutely confusing signals.

Let me illustrate further. We were conversing, it was going very well. I lost a bet, only to win a date with her. It was her idea, I was more than happy. It provided me with a great opportunity to get close to her. She threatned me of dire consequences if I dropped out. I wasn't going to miss it for the world, so I took a day off from office, only to be stood up by her. She didn't even courtsey to inform she was cancelling, let alone picking up her phone. Never the less, I didnt bother much. I would be lying if I said that I didnt feel bad. Its part of life I guess. Life doesn't stop, I didnt correspond with her further neither did she.

Time galloped ahead. I came & returned from Mumbai. One fine day I ran into her on the net. I played down the whole episode intentionally as if it was no big deal. But I made sure my point was put across. She duly apologised & I readily accepted. So, we fixed up another date. So far so good. Bang as it was highly expected, she ditched me again. This time she was ready with another excuse. I had enough, just because I have feelings for her that does not mean I have pledged my self respect to her pity.

But again the soft corner in my heart, infact my whole heart wanted me to believe her. She is too innocent & sweet to hurt anyone. Her eyes, her dazzling smile, her charming self kept haunting me for the day. Then it helped I had a heart to heart, intimate talk with her. It felt nice, it helped us bond closer than ever before. After a long time time this relationship was making some headway. I was excited about it. She shared for the first time her deep drawn feeelings with me. Infact for a change she was doing most of the talking & I was listening.

My honeymoon period was shortlived. From soaring high in the skies I was on ground soon & with a thud. It seemed the magic of the day had weared out. It was all momentary. The very next day I was just another guy for her. What the lady has in her mind, I have no clue. But as they say, 'Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.' I just hope it one of those times.

posted by Shashank Jain @ 11:48 AM