my log

For ever

Now this syndrome has been haunting me for the last couple of years. Ever since I realised the purpose of my life, have been striving hard to achieve it. But some how it eludes me. Everyone tells me, 'dude take it easy. Relax! It will take time.' Realise the fact that its a long drawn process but unless I tread my way towards it, just won't go off my mind.

Many a times find myself aloof from the rest of the world, contemplating my future. Keep wondering how to turn my dreams to reality. Where ever I go, whatever I do just keep sniffing for some opportunity. Sounds kind of crazy isn't it? What would really solve my purpose, is converting them into something concrete. Just making plans is not suffice, need to put them into action & that to successfully.

But all of it takes time, an awful lot of it. Want to turn things around head on & for that need to get a strong foothold first. It gets frustrating at times espacially if things don't go as you want them to. My behavoiur has become very erratic of late. Its kind of turn-on & turn-off. When things don't go my way, I feel miserable. But when I make some inroads, life seems good.

I am at a crucial juncture in life. Where I move on from here would determine my fate. In this hustle-bustle of life, many a times there is a need for someone. Who is dear to you, makes you feel special, to whom you can vent out your feelings, her smile would put off all your worries to the back burner. Hmm........! Wouldn't it make life so much easier. Having the support of your beloved can help you surge ahead on your path.

What do you know, I almost had it. I had umpteen number of crushes before but never sustained interest in a girl for long. After a while the same hot & sexy babe became dull & boring, time to move on buddy. But this was a first for sure. Simply have no clue what glued me towards her for hours & hours together. Would dream about her all the time, even without having to close my eyes. Just couldn't get enough of her, I reckon.

Slam....... came a rude shock that woke me from my slumber. It all turned out to be mirage. Well can't blame anyone but myself for the precarious position. Not all is under your control. Didn't even realize that I started loving the girl more than even myself. Thats perhaps is my own fallibility. But thank GOD, snapped out of my reverie just in time.

For if you love someone more than yourself, you also give them the power to hurt you. Their sheer ignorance, presence, absence....all have a bearing on you. It seems she didnt feel a thing & I am not one of those to keep waiting & cribbing. Have goals to kick, obstacles to climb & perhaps more girls to be crushed by.....! :-)

posted by Shashank Jain @ 7:42 PM