my log

Over.......!

Its ain't over, till you are over it. Don't give up on your dreams so soon.

But why drag on something which is dead, infact was never alive in the first place? Poor dear living in a fool's paradise. It had to fall down some day & it did.

The damsel is pitying the heart broken fellow. Please move on you desreve someone better. Thanks for your kind advice. Give me when I ask for it.

Everything that has a begining has an end, par yaha kahani kuch ulti hi hai. It never took off. Yes in ended before it even began. Now what's this twist in the tale; let me exemplify for you.

It was another day of my training. Can we meet? Why not, I retorted. But there is a catch dude. You will have to travel from one part of the city to another, almost 60 odd kms. Are you game? Anything for her. But hey got to make this moment special for her. Something she never forgets that too in quick time for she is waiting. Thought about this novel idea. Bought a dozen roses & instead of making a bunch, placed them seperately in different palces in the car. As she came gave her one rose at a time & expressed my love for her. Sounds romantic na.....even she thought so. Though she said nothing but held my hand & shot, 'actions speak louder than words.' Wow! need she say more to escalte me to seventh heaven. My heart was filled with joy, feel estatic, on the top of the world.

But strangely enough, felt none of that. What are you crazy, you got the desired response. This the girl you loved my friend. Aab kya hua, what's wrong.

Kuch nahi. Kya kare agar there is no such happpiness. But did feel some kind of satisfaction. Aacha laga is very peculiar way. This was the first realization of the fact that it was not meant to be for I didn't want it to be.

Wah! Then why did you persue it at all. Itne senti batein bas awaye.

No thats not the truth. I loved the girl for sure, but my mind & not with my heart. The intensity was lacking. Her presence or absence did not make much of a difference. Quite apparent she was just fooling around with me, to beta aap bhi to wahi kar rehe hoon. Ek baat batao if you love a person you would crave to be with him/ her. But in your case the girl doesn't talk to you properly let alone meet you. The message is loud & clear. Hmm! Is it, then why doesn't she say so. Be frank & honest about it. Boss she is a typical convent product, so beware. Very well so she wants to test out my wits, very well lets play along.

There was a part of me that still believed her. All she needed was time, its not easy for a girl to commit herself. But all it turned to be wishful thinking. It ended when she didn't bother to wear the bracelet I gifted her on her birhtday. Never before did I make so many efforts to buy a gift. But what did she care, must have thrown it in the corner of her almera. Though she kept mum, the look in her eyes said it all. That was the last nail in the coffin.

I admit that was really bad patch for me. I was broken, suddenly pain seemed so sweet. All this while the only thing that hit me, why didn't she tell me, go take a hike man, I don't love you. The worst part is she won't say that even now. She thinks she is so sleek playing with people's emotions. Leave it man, forget it!

Huh! It wasn't meant to end so easily, out of the blue she admits her mistake. She even promised to take more care of me, value my feelings.

So she finally wakes up. But alas! it turned out to be a mirage only. This is getting real ugly now.
She is making me confused. Why can't she make up her mind. Is she using me as a pawn in a bigger drama. God knows. What I know, love is a heavenly & she evoked that passion in me. I will treasure what ever time we spent together. But there will be one lurking question in my mind always, if she never did then why such furore & drama? Could have said it much before.

posted by Shashank Jain @ 10:01 AM 0 comments

Dipshit

Friend: Corporate, yes buddy get used to this world. Very soon you are going to be a part of it.

Me: Hmm! Right. But what's the big deal about it. Why the hype & hoo hala?

Friend: You will know soon enough. Its a battlefield, either you win or you are a gonner.

Me: Common man its not as if its a matter of life or death.

Though he didn't say anything, got a hunch that to appriciate & comprehend it, I would have to experience it.

Time passed on, confused as I was came a gentleman professing a subtle theory. Give you three choices:
Shopkeeper, gatekeeper, goalkeeper.

Take your pick, whatever may be your option, remember you will always remain a keeper. Even though you may consititute the pivot of the structure, there would be someone else who would walk away with the limelight.

True! Sounds logical.

Having an M.B.A. suffix my name put me in a class apart. These three alphabets constitued my ticket to fame, name & glory. Corporate world, thats where I am destined for. Family business papa ko hi karne do.

Perhaps I wanted things to go, in the usual fashion. Get a decent job, earn good money, go around with a girl, all goes well settle down. In short, the easy way out. Aab call it destiny or fluke, nothing in my life runs in the typical fashion.

Had it all: placement from the college, decent package & even seemingly the girl I loved.
Aur kya chaheye! But there still seemed something, somewhere was missing. Teased me like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. What will it take to content you? It was killing me inside. All the while the reminise of my dreams kept flashing before my eyes. Ostensibly I was happy, inside burning.

Caught in dipshit was I. How to creep out if it? There was no escape. I could take the easy way out & keep eluding the inevitable. But how for long, cannot fool yourself. One fine day, I decided to tread my destiny. Without any hesitation, any fear, any apprehension in mind, go deep inside to find out how deep the rabbit hole is. Instead of taking shit, I would get down in the gutter to clean it up.

Now I understand those golden words of my friend. All my life what have I been doing but prepare myself for this battle. It can be delayed but not avoided. Face this challenge eye to eye. What ever may be the result, one thing is for sure. There is no looking back.

posted by Shashank Jain @ 10:30 AM 0 comments